i know i shouldnt be blogging at this point of time.
i cant help being emotional.
but i need to sort out my thoughts,
wanted to go for DB training today.
but i guess because the medicine i ate, made me drowsy.
and partly i lend manda my shoes,
cos i forgot to bring hers.
thats why, i just sit-in.
you guys' asking, why i dont wanna go home?
even if im at home, i wont choose to rest.
i will get stressed up when im at home.
i will start doing this and doing that.
somemore i wont feel good staying at home.
home would just make my situation worst.
to add on, everywhere, theres people asking me to go home.
" go home luh! ", "pls go home".
i'll feel useless. i keep thinking," i can, i can"
i guess its the frustration that makes me even more stubborn?
i think ive made the wrong choice.
everything proved that i cant.
and it dint come to my mind,
that i might pass the virus to my teammates.
end up, i got my parents, friends and teammates to worry.
i got maxiaoru angry.
i got my parents angry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i promise to take good care of myself. i promise.
the reason why i stayed on till now.
i stayed on for my teammates.
nothing's more important than them.
trainings' tough. everything's so tough that i wanted to give up.
i felt everything was messed up.
my studies, my social life and my attitude.
everyone have been telling me that im crazy. and yes, i am.
but my teammates are always there for me.
just think, would anyone run around BR for 2 rounds?
would anyone continously row for 5km?
would anyone do 8 rounds of circuits?
would anyone do weight-lifting, 5kg for 30,40,50?
would anyone willing to have trainings, 5days a week?
i wouldnt have done all these, if not for my teammates.
but swimming is denying me of all these.
what do i want to achieve?
top priority is, i want a team.
i really hope we can complete everything as a team.
be it in race or sets.
second is to win the SAVA race and temasek regatta.
i dont hope to see tears of disappointment again.
i want to help my teammates to win medals.
i want to repay what the seniors have given me.
i want to rebuild TPDB up.
most importantly, i wanna row for my beloved teammates.
personal achievement is to do my 1st pullup by nov.
swimming has been included in our training programme.
what can i say?
just tell me what can i say?!
i had enough of every single thing.
i hate restrictions.
i hate it when its beyond my control.
my mood's gone haywire nowadays.
attitude's been changing.
cant think logically and maturely.
please jiale, get well!
im willing to get on my knees for you to get well!
